She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
