mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
