Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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