I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
