can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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