I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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