we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
