fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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