He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize