I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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