Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize