The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
