I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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