you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so let's talk penis.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
