Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
