shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
