Cold hands, warm shart.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
