omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
