you guys were way drunker than both of me
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
