What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
