I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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