can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
