I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize