Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
