I hope mine doesn't look like that
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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