Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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