i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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