Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
