Umm I'm too high to move.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
only you would photoshop your dick
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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