she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I have post one night stand depression
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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