Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
