Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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