I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
