i think my tv is drunk
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
