One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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