Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
