You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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