We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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