Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
