I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
