I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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