I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
