I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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