There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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