so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
