At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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