The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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