OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
