Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
