Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
