god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
