she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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