She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
