Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize