Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
