make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
