I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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