and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
