I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
