i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
