My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
