Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
