ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
