She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
