Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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