I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
