I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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